i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
