he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
