lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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