I think I died a long time ago.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
