I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
