I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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