dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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