dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
