it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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