Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
