Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
