I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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