I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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