He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm too high and old for this...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
