I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
