Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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