Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
