Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
