Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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