census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
