Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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