The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a search helicopter?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
