so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
