we're blogging at a bar
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
