Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
