we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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