His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
