pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
