kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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