Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
