i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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