I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
