she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
