I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
