apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
