I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
