worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
