So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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