i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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