We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
