Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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