Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
