He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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