3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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