the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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