last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
