One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
