she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
