Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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