I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
