new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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