Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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