If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
