just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
