im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
