I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
