there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
