All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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